That’s a big statement right there. There is nothing for me to understand about anyone or myself. There is nothing anyone can understand about me or the cosmos. So, how could I possibly attempt to understand myself, another and let alone, Infinite’s Intent?
I had an addiction to knowledge, information, wisdom. Since I was a little child, I would spend my entire day researching everything I could think of. I would ask various reasonable and not so reasonable questions. People around me had their own ideologies and dogmas, thus I became introverted.
Then I familiarized myself with books. There were some that resonated with me and books that did not. This resonance happened of course with the perception I had at the time. So I continued swimming in endless theories, ideologies, dogmas, worldviews, etc.
When the internet came into the picture I was already so hooked into my addiction to acquiring more information, that it just felt completely natural to increase my fix of external information to a whopping 6 – 8 hours a day, at least.
Therefore, after decades of acting this way, I ended up sick, exhausted, without the energy to do the things I thought I enjoyed. I was so focused on external information, that I ended up abandoning myself. I didn’t know how to listen to my inner guidance, let alone my inspiration or effortless knowing. I didn’t know what made my heart sing. I had no time, no passion, no joy… nothing. I tried to incorporate techniques, potions, diets into my life, but I felt more miserable than ever. How on earth could I have the vibrancy or curiosity to experience my own life if I relied on everything and everyone but myself?
There was a reason I was so focused on external information. I knew I needed a change in my perspective to be able to move beyond illnesses, opposition and the like, and I needed change desperately. However, what I didn’t understand at the time is that what I was longing for were not the newest revolutionary diets, expensive natural supplements, modern shamans, the ultimate mindfulness course or the new age spiritual retreat.
I needed to stop all I had been doing all along. Throw every single bit of “wisdom” I had accumulated over the decades and throw all out of the window. Trying to understand anything with superficial mind was impossible. If life changes every single moment, all creation is constantly being renewed, what is there to understand? Matrices are held in place by belief systems, memory, programming, indoctrination, dogmas, worldviews, wisdom, rules, structures, etc.
Thinking I know and trying to impose my way of doing things… was plain arrogance. I am a different person every single moment. The instant I realized that to access effortless knowing must be done without thought and without emotion. That when I could finally see a glimpse of my true being, my vastness.
To be self-referral, self-approving and self-sovereign. To be open to Infinite’s Intent, through the inspiration that my body can channel and articulate. I needed to allow and stop resisting life flowing through me. I needed to become a clear conduit of Infinite’s Intent unfolding – my authentic being. That’s what I am and that is what I need to keep on allowing to be able to change through grace, rather than through opposition (trauma and pain).