The Mer people. I don’t know much about them aside from the body of magic they’ve brought forth. The image of these marvelous beings has been in my mind all day. Yesterday, I dreamt about me being in the ocean. Big waves coming towards me and all I could do was to swim underwater, towards the bottom of the sea, where the force of the waves couldn’t really reach me. It was tiring and at some point, I thought I wouldn’t be able to make it. I was diving too deep.
Suddenly, I saw a boat with several big bottles of clear water lined up on the deck. I thought to myself… What is all that water for? Then I realized there were some people around me, but all of them were in jet skis. No one seemed to notice me and I didn’t want to get noticed either. So I just braced myself for the upcoming big wave, took a deep breath in and started to dive into the depths of the shoreless ocean. I sensed I was not alone down there. Somehow it was not pitch black, it was lit from the inside out. The blue was very light, with shades of baby blue, vivid sky blue, and emerald green.
I knew I didn’t have enough air in my lungs to reach the atmosphere, but I was at total peace since the ocean was my being as well. There is nothing I was not in the moments before losing consciousness in that specific scenario. Although there were no mermaids helping me, I somehow sensed the power of these beings within me. I knew I had the ability to breathe the tiny oxygen particles in the water like most sea life does. There was no anguish, no torment. Beneath the clamor of what happened on the surface, I was able to return to my inner space. To remember it never ceased to exist. I had only focused temporarily on something else, for study purposes.
Waves are opportunities and the ocean is life in general. The water bottles on the ship mean that there is emotional baggage bottled up. The ship wasn’t a container ship, nor was it a cruise ship, but something in between those two. So I guess that it emphasizes the emotional turmoil and the graceful change by transmuting it. I feel this is currently in the process of being released.
Normally, I don’t ride the opportunities that life brings me, I tend to shy away to the majority of them. For the last years, I realize I have been valuing spiritual life more than physical life, thus it is imperative that the privilege of having a physical body is gratefully acknowledged. The physical must be equally valued for it to yield its insights since it’s just a different perspective in my timeless existence.
Swimming is the desire to be loved. I really battled a lot with this desire over the years. The desire to be accepted by the tribe is something I have overcome long ago. When I have expectations towards others, I have subconsciously agreed to feel disappointed. Nobody can fulfill anything for anyone. One is self-responsible, self-reliant, self-referring, self-sovereign. The empowerment must come from the self.
There is a faint tendency to abandon the self. That is something I ruthlessly try to prevent, not always succeeding, though. The abandoning of the self in any area is the origin of any addiction. The change in perspective needs to be there for those distorted emotions to shift. Most of the time, when I am aware it is happening, I can shift my focus to something that does inspire me. But it demands discipline, I won’t lie. It is not easy; it is not a walk in the park. Ruthlessness with self, gentleness with others.