#nathaliemarkoch #perceptionshifter #valmark

Physical and Spiritual Life Must be Equally Valued

The Mer people. I don’t know much about them aside from their magic. Of course, that is something I won’t post here, but the image of these marvelous beings has been circling my mind today. I dreamt yesterday that I was in the ocean. Big waves coming towards me and all I could do was to swim towards the bottom of the sea, where the force of the wave couldn’t really reach me. It was tiring and at some point, I thought I wouldn’t be able to make it. I was diving too deep and I had to hold my breath a long time to be able to reach the surface in time.

I saw a boat with several big bottles of clear water lined up on the deck. I thought to myself… ¿What is all that water for? Then I realized there were some people around me, but all of them were in jet skis. No one seemed to notice me and I didn’t want to get noticed either. So I just braced myself for the upcoming big wave, breathed in as much air as I possibly could and started to dive into the depths of the shoreless ocean. I sensed I was not alone down there. Somehow it was not pitch black, it was lit from the inside out. The blue was very light, with shades of baby blue, vivid sky blue, and emerald green.

I knew I did not have enough air in my lungs to reach the atmosphere, but I was at total peace since the ocean was my being as well. There is nothing I was not in the moments before losing consciousness in that specific scenario. Although there were no mermaids helping me, I somehow sensed the power of these beings within me. I knew I had the ability to breathe the tiny oxygen particles in the water like most sea life does. There was no anguish, no torment. Beneath the clamor of what happened on the surface, I was able to return to my inner space. To remember it never ceased to exist. I just focused temporarily on something else.

Waves are opportunities and the ocean is life in general. The water bottles on the ship mean that there is emotional baggage bottled up. The ship wasn’t a container ship, nor was it a cruise ship, but something in between those two. So I guess that as well as it emphasizes the emotional turmoil, it also means that I am somehow addressing within my awareness in physical life. It is in the process of being released. I don’t ride the opportunities that life brings me, I tend to shy away to the majority of them. For the last 8 years, I have been valuing more spiritual life, thus it is imperative that the physical is equally valued for it to yield its insights since it’s just a different perspective in my timeless existence.

Swimming is the desire to be loved. I really battled a lot with this desire over the years. The desire to be accepted by the tribe is something I can’t lose myself into. When I harbor expectations of others I have subconsciously agreed to feel disappointed, ’cause nobody shall ever always fulfill them.

Therefore, I tend to feel overwhelmed when I am not living authentically, I feel a loss of consciousness and I use my energy to completely forget I am alive, using several methods to live the life of something or someone else. This tendency to abandon the self is something I ruthlessly try to prevent, not always succeeding, though. Most of the time, when I am aware it is happening, I can shift my focus to something that does inspire me. It demands discipline, I won’t lie. It’s the origin of all addictions. The change in perspective needs to be there for the distorted emotions to shift.

#nathaliemarkoch #perceptionshifter #valmark
Drawing by valmark

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