For the past months, I’ve been feeling quite unsettled. I couldn’t really put my finger into the real origin of it all. I didn’t know what is that I’m not really seeing. Which is the actual blind spot that is keeping me from breaking through my current paradigm. There is so many things playing out right now, in the macro, that it’s kind of hard to take notice from my current level of perception. So I look at the micro with that in mind, in order to find the source of that expression or reflection.
If I put my conscious mind aside, I process information on a cellular level, a cellular knowingness takes place. To dissolve the belief that I need external information (information that is outside of myself) as a reference point is something I’ve been diligently dissolving, layer by layer.
From where I come from, intuition, download of info, inspiration and the like, have not been valued highly enough to be taken into consideration for any kind of decision making process. Some situations were really challenging, since I had to then rely on external sources of reference to actually take a step into a specific direction. To allow others to influence me was in itself, very disempowering for me.
It’s something that I’ve noticed takes place since the very beginning of human life. The imposing of belief systems onto another starts even before conception, by the conscious or subconscious intentions of the parents.
They might say/think things like: “Oh, I wish this baby is a healthy girl. I wish this baby is intelligent, kind and quiet. I would like that this baby has green eyes like my grandfather, etc”. Some might have different kind of agendas as well, like for example: “I’m having this baby, because I want it to be able to bring the family closer. I fear to be alone and when I’m older, this child is going to take care of me. I feel I need him/her to fill a hole in my heart”.
I don’t feel there is anything wrong/right to think like this for new parents to be (wrong and right are opposite and any opposite is unreal), but in reality, to have a hidden agenda that involves someone else, means to impose your will onto another individuation. This, in my understanding, is programming, (and believe it or not, it’s the basics of black magic). When one intends that the new baby has certain attributes, certain personality traits, certain identities to live up to… it’s to construct something on top of what the consciousness residing in this baby is meant to develop in physical life. To deliberately plan the life of a new son/daughter beforehand, to ascribe meaning to their contribution in life, to make them step into roles they don’t want to play, to impose belief systems they don’t feel true… the list is oh, so long and has so many layers to everything…
What I find quite interesting is that parents are usually not familiarized with the desire to receive the new energy this baby is adding to the alchemical equation of their lives, of their families. Of course, I’m very aware that most parents have been conditioned to act this way. For eons in time, there has been major forces manipulating the population of this planet, so the layers upon layers of social conditioning, belief systems, programming, traditions, etc. are quite severe and damn hard to dissolve. For the majority, to be this kind of pro-active parent towards their child is what they believe is most nurturing, caring and natural. It’s common sense, logical and what society expects them to be.
As I am writing this, I notice that I don’t feel shame, blame, resentment, nostalgia, anger. I used to be on the self-pity, self-importance, self-reflection treadmill at the beginning of my journey, but it seems that I’ve managed to transcend all those ties that bind, at least, from where I stand on today. I write just from an observation standpoint that allows me to get a clearer view of what I truly feeling towards these matters. It’s easy to fall into duality (separation) if one is not vigilant enough. I’m expressing from an expanded state, where I’m able to have the perspective of the parent, as well as the child, as well as the perpetrators who wish to establish these scenarios for them to have more control over the energy or the population, which is their food/energy source.
Furthermore, it’s now easier for me to see that those children, not being able to fit into the ideal model their parents and family are expecting them to embody, might feel misplaced. that they don’t belong in that nucleus, that they indeed don’t have what it takes to be accepted. That they are not good enough, and that maybe, they’ll never be, although they work so damn hard to please others. Now, that’s something that it’s very hard to overcome, even as adults. It takes much, much self-work to even realize these traumas, programs, etc. are being manifested.
All of these issues, first appear as energetic debris in the DNA sound chambers, which then cause several types of blockages and imbalances in the bodies of man, leading to innumerable diseases and opposition in the reality of the individual who doesn’t understand much about spirituality and its indivisibility with the physical.
That in itself is something pretty complex to look at. But, within complexity lies the simplicity of all. All these blockages prevent us from expressing our true authentic song. Not to be confused with the so called “purpose in life”. Our authentic expression is to be sung in timelessness and spacelessness. Every step of the way. To suppress it, means agony. To withhold it, is to perish.
Who knows? Maybe the fact that when one has to go through all these scenarios throughout childhood (parents, close family), adolescence (school, social groups), and adulthood (relationships, work) is for us to explore our own being by analyzing our own reflections (that which is not expressed, which appears as a mirror, as an opposite to our true being) or our own expressions (that which is expressed) in our environment. Our environment speaks to us, just like the body does when we don’t listen to the inspiration of our hearts, our authentic expression. There is a Language of Pain. We must be able to have discernment about what we want to empower, and what we want to dissolve and let go of.
I think it all revolves around the fact that we come into physicality to develop self-communication. Since all we can possibly experience is ourselves, then who are we communicating with? Exactly, with ourselves. So our environment is as much our being, as our own flesh and bones. It’s true that we’ve met countless of challenges by being birthed into the densest planet on the cosmos. It’s true that nobody has actually taught us how to cope with the limitations of having to contract our perspective so much to be able to function within such a thick matrix.
But all of this means that today, this very moment, a portal can be opened for us to dissolve the magnetic charge that is in the memories of our past. We can, in a single moment, by changing our perspective, dissolve all disempowerment and embrace the fact that we are the only real being in existence. That we can truly change our attitude towards life by realizing we cannot be attached to anybody else. That we are not imprisoned by anyone, that we cannot be contained by anyone, by any situation. That we can transcend everything that don’t inspire us. We need to distance ourselves, detach ourselves, withdraw our physical presence from those who cannot stand our authentic expression, who cannot stand our presence.
There is nothing conclusive in this post. I just needed to get this out for later auto-examination. I feel there is something major that is going to be revealed very soon. I’m open to receive from myself and I’m ready to anchor the new energies into my own reality, my own “slice of bread”. There are some issues that I would like to resolve and I think all this is related to the change in perception that is needed from me regarding my attitude towards my own authentic expression. How to let go of protectiveness. Let’s see what the morning brings. Glad expectations!