The Fear of Vulnerability

Sometimes one feels completely cut off from the Infinite Being when one thrown into a maze of illusions and distortion, the games of the undeveloped light, the games of man, the games of some star races… The jealousy, the revenge, the distorted love that says: “I love you, but let me control you as a reward of my twisted affection”.

To be ready and open to fully embrace the knowingness that I am the only being in existence in my reality is truly a handful. I absolutely marvel in the idea of actually behaving like that ALL THE TIME.

To know that everything and everyone is indivisibly connected to me. I include them in my perception, I include everything and everyone into my all permeating divine love, divine compassion. And therefore, in surrendered trust, I allow the eternal unfolding of the One Life move through me.

Of course, there are times when darkness (as the un-yielded light) closes in, when an accumulation of things that may seem “outside of myself”, a mere illusion of separation, make me cry myself to sleep. That big of a sorrow is incomprehensible to my centralized mind (the superficial mind). How on Earth could I hope to understand the Unknowable to that extent? That’s not the way.

I can only see tiny glimpses of a portion of it and then it changes again and again, because everything is in a state of flux. I know, I know nothing, although I effortlessly know through aware experience, approaching life with utmost humility. Immersing myself in the gateway of the moment, I can only see what my next step is if I remember who I really am.

When fear creeps in, oh… I know it well. I want to isolate myself more and more, resisting life, as if I didn’t co-created every single one of my experiences. I only want to be left alone, to remain within my 4 walls of zombie-like comfort. It’s so comforting indeed… until stagnation, atrophy and hyper-passivity grab me by the throat, paralyzing my authentic expression, creating mirrors all around me. Stagnation is deadly.

Then, creativity and pleasure are instantly held captive and the beautiful potential of the moment gets corrupted by addictions of every sort (let’s say hi to the newest anime season or maybe a 1000 scroll downs in Pinterest looking for the perfect quote to describe the emotions I dare not to express).

Yes, addictions take the place of unexpressed authentic expression. I have to be very watchful, stalk myself constantly as to not to fall prey to the common (and sometimes not so common) tools of control of the Shadow Government. It’s a never-ending war. A fight for freedom from the human paradigm, a fight for freedom from illusions and distortion.

If I know I’m feeling vulnerable and my first reaction is to resist life, to say “no”, I absolutely know that this reaction is fear based. First, because it’s a reaction, not a response. A response may appear when one has a silent mind. The majority of people have a deafening dialog in the mind, truly chaotic and it’s very uncomfortable to interact with them. I need to be aware of this at all cost.

My perception changes every single moment, and I attune myself with Infinite’s Intent in the soundless silence of my being. Therefore, my emotions are constantly changing as well. Since I know now how to protect myself from any ill or invasive intent, I know that my fear of vulnerability is something I need to keep on working some more to be able to shine fully, without getting caught into the pitfalls of self-pity, self-importance or self-reflection. Game is on!

© Perception Shifter

Written by:
Nathalie Markoch

Artwork by:
Valmark

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