I was thinking the other day about how I used to perceive the long road before and ahead of me. If I think about it in linear time, it could be somewhat scary. The thought of never “resting in peace”. But I know this way of thinking, based on fear, isn’t really my highest truth.
What I mean by this is that at the beginning of my journey in this lifetime, I thought about life as having a beginning and having an end. I saw people being born and dying. If absolutely everyone I knew had this undeniable truth as an unavoidable reality, it must be surely so. But that thought somehow didn’t convince me at all. I just went along with what everyone accepted. In the depths of my being, I couldn’t accept something like that and I resisted the idea of something as real as consciousness, having a start and endpoint.
It’s only natural to feel discouraged to do something in life if you knew for sure you are going to lose it all. That’s superficially what I thought at least. If I add up the “religion” factor, the disappointment, guilt and shame rise dangerously high. Who wants to truly live in the present moment if one is being shamed just for existing? It’s something I couldn’t even phantom to be possible, but social pressure is pretty damn tough to dissolve. And the coping mechanisms come like a raging fire to contract awareness as much as possible to escape the pain of living in such low vibration/frequency.
The road to wholesomeness is a lonely one and not for the faint-hearted, although I don’t feel lonely at all. Since realizing everything and everyone around me are either a reflection or an expression of aspects of my greater self, life as an eternal moment has become more enjoyable. It’s very tough to change one’s perception and I sometimes feel like being sucked and passed through a straw when I come across something I haven’t internalized before. Mind-bending, mind-blowing to say the least. That’s how I get to change my emotions towards something, by changing a perception that allows me to change my attitude towards something.
Slowing life down is one of the practices I am trying to get used to. To be able to just do ABSOLUTELY NOTHING. Yes, not even music, not even yoga, not even meditations with mantras, nothing. Not following a “morning routine”, not reading a book…. nothing. So what do I do then? Well, I am. I exist. In silence is the only time I encounter myself as I access my inner space. Little by little I get to know it, in timelessness and spacelessness. Life becomes an eternal moment stretched infinitely.